I can’t live with people…especially friends. I’ve tried it a few times now and it’s not worked out, some worse than others.
My first roommate was nearly twice my age. I was 19. She was 32. We worked together and I wanted to be on my own. She had to move out her then apartment. I know…first red flag. She had quit her job to try and find another job in another state for a guy she knew. That didn’t work out either and she came back. We decided to live in a small house together in redneck Missouri. It was a cheap house…$400 a month for a two bedroom. It was a cute little house and while I didn’t make a lot of money and lived off of cheap food, it was mine and I was independent. Well, Stacy didn’t have a job at this point. She had welfare, from which she received $250 a month. I had a full-time job and made decent money…for a 19 year old. Stacy and I started out decently well. We got furniture from a thrift store…beds from her mother. It wasn’t much, but it was home. Hell, I’d even gotten her a cell phone line on my account. After awhile, Stacy started talking to an old friend named “Duane”. I didn’t like Duane. I didn’t trust Duane. After a month, she MARRIED Duane. Duane then lived in my house. I was furious. Eventually, I felt like a prisoner in my own house because I locked myself in my room, to be away from the both of them. My mom explained that they were having a rough time, so I made the decision to move back home. I was elated. Until I found out she was trying to screw me. We had gotten a washer and dryer…one that I paid more than half for. The utilities were all in my name…I know! When I moved, Stacy and I made the compromise that she and Duane could keep the washer and dryer, if they paid the month’s utilities and then switch them into their names after I cancelled. Well, low and behold…THEY DIDN’T PAY THE BILLS. SHOCKING! Right…I only know this because I got a collections notice in the mail. I confronted her about this and she said that she did pay it, but couldn’t produce any receipts. I told her to save it and walked away…our friendship was through. About a month later, I was working and my supervisor came up to me and gave me a box. She said a woman had asked her to give it to me. Stacy had gotten my personal information and had upgraded her phone…ON MY ACCOUNT. There was a note in the box saying she was sorry. I was so unbelievably pissed and hurt. I had trusted her and she betrayed me. Lesson 1.
Later on down the road, after I had joined the military I had the opportunity to live with a few other people. In tech school, I had two different roommates. Both of those girls were actually really good roommates. I loved both of them. No lessons learned there.
A few months later, I was at my first duty station. Osan AB. Our dorm rooms were set up with two rooms sharing a bathroom. My suite-mate, Mary, was a friend from tech school. Mary got there a few months after I did, so I spent most of my short tour with her. At first, we did everything together…and I mean everything. Our doors were always open to each other. We walked to work together. We were on the same crew, so we worked together. We hung out together. She dated my supervisor. I dated his friend. We all went out together. We did everything together. There is such a thing as too much together. I couldn’t stand her, but it wasn’t really her fault. She was a good person. Lesson 2.
I PCS’d to my next duty station in Jan and then moved off-base in March. Felicia, another friend from tech school, and I were excited to live together. She was ready to be out of the dorms and so was I. I thought..she’s a good person, this will be fun. It wasn’t. She was the youngest of 8 kids from a middle-class family. I was the 2nd oldest (but really the oldest) of 7 from a pretty poor family. My family had to scrape by and I was on my own. Her parents came up to visit our first week in the place and bought her nearly everything she needed. Pots and pans, comforter and sheets, towels…and brought her things from their home. She was spoiled. I was not. We both had strong personalities. Out of nowhere, work decided to change my schedule. Next week, I’d be working nights. I told my roommate this. Her response? “Damn! I was looking forward to a normal schedule. This ruins everything for me.” Yeeeaaaa… We both couldn’t wait to move out and away from each other. We don’t talk anymore. Lesson 3.
I took a year off from living with people. It was glorious. I could watch what I wanted on TV. I could cook whatever I wanted for dinner. I didn’t have to quiet when I was on nights because SOMEONE is a light sleeper! It was great, but I didn’t want to live in an apartment anymore. Kids yelling. Neighbors banging. People taking my parking spot. I was through. I wanted to live in a house, but I couldn’t afford it on my own.
Now we bring in Candy. Candy had been a good friend for a few months. We hung out a good bit and had fun together. She was a little needy and definitely needed to break up with her emotionally abusive boyfriend, but that wasn’t my business. Candy and I didn’t live together, but stay with me. We did go on a short assignment to Korea where our friendship fell apart. She was still needy and clung to me like I was her living breath. We did LITERALLY everything together for three weeks straight. After those three weeks, I couldn’t stand the sight of her, but me being me…I was still nice and accommodating to her. Why? Because I care waaay to freaking much about people. After we got back, she found out her roommates had both decided that they were moving and were leaving her with a house she couldn’t afford. She was freaking out…and I felt like I needed to be there for her. Why? Because I am way to nice for my own good. About two weeks before I was to move in, she tells me that another dude was going to living with us and that I would be sleeping on the couch for a month until one of the other roommates moved out. I’m sorry..what?! A dude that I didn’t want to live with…and I would sleep on the couch and still pay full split rent. Ummm…no. Final straw. I didn’t move in with her, but still needed somewhere to live as I had already turned in an intent to move. Lesson 4.
Enter Emily. Emily was a mutual friend of mine and Candy’s, so she knew about this girl. Emily was also in an emotionally abusive relationship with her girlfriend, Sarah. Emily had decided to break up with Sarah and wanted to move away from her. Emily and I decided to find a place to live. It wasn’t bad. I mean, Emily had decided to get back together with Sarah…a girl I truly didn’t like, but again…none of my business. Emily was a good roommate. She was young…turned 21 a few months after moving in with me, but still a good roommate. She had some things to learn and was going through some issues, but we didn’t really have any problems. Not until she got married. Emily got married to Terri and Terri moved in. I don’t dislike Terri. She’s nice, but the house is only so big and Terri and I both have strong personalities. Terri moves in and my stuff gets moved without my permission or knowledge. I don’t like that. They are moving out, but wanted to move out earlier than our lease is up and expected me to pay the last month. Additionally, I’m still waiting on last month’s utilities…and I’ll be paying this month’s next week. On top of that, a hundred dollar bill is missing…my money after they decided to move all of my stuff from the kitchen to my room while I was gone. I know this sounds petty, but this is real life. Your roommate should respect your things and your privacy. Emily and I are still on good terms…as long as she pays her half of everything this month and next, but I’ve learned another thing. Lesson 5.
Let’s recap the lessons learned, shall we?
Lesson 1: Be cautious when it comes to potential roommates…even when they are friends.
Lesson 2: Too much time together isn’t a good thing. Do your own things.
Lesson 3: Make sure you know the temperament of anyone with whom you plan on living.
Lesson 4: Say straight up how you feel about people. You can still be tactful when telling someone they need to grow the fuck up.
Lesson 5: Roommates are not for me. I’m an introvert. I need to be alone. I won’t be living with anyone unless I’m in a relationship with them.
And now I will get back to finding a new place to live. 4 moves in less than 4 years…I need orders, so I can move again.
Manders-Lou 